Gratitude Focus: I am Grateful For People Who Want You To Be Wildly Successful

Reflection/Why I’m Grateful:

 Today, on the flight home, I listened to the audiobook The Seven Primal Questions by Mike Foster. He was one of our speakers at this conference, and his book is a quick listen or read. I’ve trained myself to listen to audiobooks at 3.5x speed—so long as I have headphones on—which means I can get through a lot of content efficiently. 

Mike and I share a few things in common. After finishing his audiobook, which took about an hour, I decided to re-listen to Twice Over a Man in preparation for a book reading and signing this week at the Saint Louis County Library. This time, I wasn’t just listening to the words—I was listening for what I didn’t say and should have said. Six months after the release of the physical copy, I now ask myself: What is the book trying to say to me now?

One thing I realize is that my book does a solid job of communicating the three core principles that have guided me:

1. Shifting my mindset
2. Focusing on what is in my control (no victim mentality)
3. Getting the right people around me

I believe these ideas form the heart of my message.

During Mike’s talk, he introduced his Seven Primal Questions and, during a break, he asked me which question drives me the most. In other words, which of these questions shapes how I see the world?

1. Am I safe? (Focus on physical and emotional security)
2. Am I secure? (Focus on financial stability and support)
3. Am I loved? (Focus on affection and connection)
4. Am I wanted? (Focus on acceptance and inclusion)
5. Am I successful? (Focus on achievement and recognition)
6. Am I good enough? (Focus on self-worth and validation)
7. Do I have purpose? (Focus on meaning and direction)

These questions represent core emotional needs that influence our behaviors and relationships. Identifying our dominant Primal Question can provide insight into our motivations and areas for personal growth.

I shared with him that I scored a 10 on the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scale. I asked if he knew what that meant, and he said yes. For those unfamiliar, a score of 10 on the ACE scale means an individual has experienced all ten categories of childhood trauma—including abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. Statistically, this significantly increases the risk of long-term physical, emotional, and psychological challenges.

So, when he asked me which of the Seven Primal Questions drives me, I told him: It depends on the day. The things I’ve seen and endured in my life mean my operating system doesn’t function like most people’s. But if I had to choose, Q2 (Am I secure?) and Q7 (Do I have purpose?) are my dominant drivers.

• Q2, Am I secure?—For me, this largely ties to financial stability. If you know my background, you understand why. Financial security has always been at the forefront of my mind, not out of greed, but out of necessity and survival.
• Q7, Do I have purpose?—This is about the long game. It’s about walking in the destiny that I believe God has placed in my heart. It’s about bringing people with me. I am intent on projecting an alternative vision for those of us who didn’t come from backgrounds that suggest our lives matter. For those who did, I challenge them to push even further—toward the things they fear most—because that is often where growth and fulfillment reside.